Hi, and welcome to Jeff Carl.com and/or Jeff Carl.net. It's about me. Why? Instead, I ask you, "Why not?"

Jeff's Plans for World Conquest and How You Fit In

Yes, I will soon dominate this puny planet. How do you fit in? The short answer is: you probably don't. However, those people who have had the foresight to have sent me money will be spared the awful fate that most of the rest of you have in store.

For more information on how to send me money, send me e-mail at me@schnell.net. If your credit card is maxed out and you can't send me cash, then you may win a few points by checking out any of the following links:

• April 29, 2007 - Okay, this site is about four years overdue for some real updates. I promise that they're coming soon. Seriously. Unlike the link below from last September when I said I'd update the site. Now I'm not kidding. Also - I'm finally on Wikipedia and you can find all of my online archived stories there.
• September 13, 2006 - Hey, look! I updated something after three and a half years! Actually, it isn't anything useful except a link to the world's most wonderful new website, "What Rich People Do" - an informative and irreverent guide to the best and most of expensive of everything. It's pretty hot and you should check it out. Oh, and I'll update the rest of the site soon.
• March, 2003 - Site redesigned and updated, marking my unfortunate typographical surrender to the new Apple-dictated "Myriad" scheme of things (no thanks to you, Lance). Portfolio, Family and Links sections added. The portfolio will be completed soon; the other sections are ongoing projects. The site template is now XML/HTML compliant.
• October, 2002 - added 2002 photos to the photo album (password required; e-mail me if you need it) and added friends' website links to the "Other" links.

I've written plenty of crap, of which more than 40 percent is actually intelligible. Click above to see all my writings, or click below to see specific writings in prestigious to barely reputable publications including:

Internet Industry Publications

• My monthly column for ISP industry bible Boardwatch Magazine
• Sporadic articles in Web Hosting Magazine
• Coverage of my articles on Nerd Uber-site Slashdot
• Articles for BSD Unix site Daemon News
• Humor columns for Internet humor site Segfault.org

Journalism

• Humor columns with Paul Caputo for the dearly deceased Richmond State
• Articles for the county weekly newspaper The Westmoreland News
• Columns and editorials I wrote for the University of Richmond newspaper, The Collegian

Other Writings

Read other stuff I've done, including my Washington Post contest-winning bad analogy, the play I wrote for the University of Richmond, and drafts of the book I'm working on in my spare time.

View Jeff's photo album 1990-2003. This is still a work in progress, so check back often.

• SchnellNet, the ISP for people with more money than sense. Or for people with not much more money than sense who are willing to go out and rob people to get more money than sense so they have a lot more money than sense and can then send it to me.
• BackBone Info, my networking consulting and information venture.
• Hosed.Net, the network that is Truly Hosed™.
• Fearsome Symbolism Productions, the greatest multimedia powerhouse ever, except for most of them.
• Error! - The Biggest Failures in High Tech and What Went Wrong, a proposed book I'm working on with Christian Dawson. Any literary agents or publishers out there who are interested should contact me ;-).

Have a nice day.

Writings || Portfolio || Résumé || Miscellaneous || Photo Album || Family || Links || Contact Jeff