The University of Richmond Collegian 09/29/94

Staff Editorial

by Jeffrey Carl, Opinion Editor

What We Think

an Opinion from the Collegian Staff

“Gifted Children”

Those of us on the staff who have cast our ballots for our choice of the senior class’s gift to the University now look back with a little trepidation. Much like the Virginia senate race, we were faced with picking a winner from a bunch of losers.

The Collegian, upon reflection, wishes to add a few more ideas for the senior gift – with the prescient wisdom of 20/20 hindsight. For example, the Senior class would be remembered for years to come if it bequeathed to our fair college any of the following:

• a gigantic Slip n’ Slide on the Intramural field

• an enormous statue of Jason Roop, in the garb of the Statue of Liberty

• a Waffle House franchise

• a flaming 600-foot high “number one” made out of all those leftover yearbooks nobody picked up

• buying a huge cool car that hops for Alison Bartel Lord

• a gigantic tar pit for gladiatorial combats between Collegian columnists

• a huge rolling boulder like the one in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” that would chase you across the second floor of the Commons

• special “Star Trek” style teleporters from the apartments to the Robins Center

• the Aerosmith Girl Memorial Scholarship to get really cute girls to come here

• change “pasta bar” night at the D-Hall to “open bar” night, with martinis and olives counting as separate entrees

• another enormous Roop statue, perhaps this time in the pose in the Lincoln Memorial, and “Roop! There it is” carved in great letters of stone

• giant fog machines in the Pier, just because it would be cool

or we could just go up to the CVS and buy, like, 800 cases of Beast Light for all the freshmen.

The point being that if we wish to be remembered, perhaps a little originality is in order. If we can’t do something creative, then perhaps the money should be used for a 600 percent salary increase for Collegian staff members. Because when they come to hit you up for cash, you want to know it’s going to a good cause.

Think about it, won’t you?