The
University of Richmond Collegian 12/01/95
Staff Editorial
by Jeffrey
Carl, Opinion Editor
What
We Think
an
Opinion from the Collegian Staff
“‘Twas
the Week Before Finals”
‘Twas
the week before finals, and all through the dorms,
The girls
were having pillow fights, the guys were watch-
ing
porns.
The last
Collegian was out, the last page was pasted,
All the
writers were exhausted, all the editors – wasted.
All the
clothes had been slung on the floor with no care,
In hopes
that the Laundry Fairy soon would be there.
When up
on the Commons roof there came such a clatter,
I crawled
from my stupor to see what was the matter.
And what
did I see? I’m not kidding,
really,
‘Twas
jolly Saint Roop on a flying moped-deally.
His
cheeks were so rosy, his soft hair so yellow,
And when
he laughed he shook like a big bowl of Jell-O.
He
reached for his bag, and to each of his picking,
He gave
them all gifts – some gift-wrapped, some ticking.
For
administrators, a raise; all professors, a nap;
Students
were exempt from that honor code crap.
To all
the police, a giant Ukrop’s jelly donut roll,
And for
the Ticket Lady, he simply left coal.
For the
Journalism Department he left new computers,
For the
injured football players, shiny new scooters.
For
SpiderWeb new batteries, and bread for the ducks,
The
sports teams he told, “You’re s—t out of luck.”
But he
gave them a win, and a much-needed lift;
To the
Greeks he said, “Beware Alison bearing gifts.”
The
D-Hall got silverware, which they thought quite
neat-o,
What they
really need, though, is a Rancho Steak
Burrito.
He
snatched in his bag with a laugh and a wheedle,
Leaving
the radio station some much-needed Beatles.
For The
Collegian, in general, he left bourbon en masse,
But noted, grumbling, “I’d like to give those
columnists a
kick
in the –”
But he turned to the chimney, and he gave a small wink,
“Don’t
you worry,” he said, “I’ve poisoned their ink.”
And at
last Roop said, as he zipped off into the night,
“Happy holiday break to all, and to all a good
night.”