{"id":125,"date":"1994-02-17T12:51:47","date_gmt":"1994-02-17T20:51:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/?p=125"},"modified":"2020-07-08T12:44:29","modified_gmt":"2020-07-08T19:44:29","slug":"the-choosing-the-right-major-for-you-questionnaire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/1994\/02\/17\/the-choosing-the-right-major-for-you-questionnaire\/","title":{"rendered":"The \u201cChoosing the Right Major for You\u201d Questionnaire"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Jeffrey Carl<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Jeffrey
University of Richmond Collegian, February 17 1994<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

It occurs to me now that topical humor from college campuses nearly 30 years ago does not age well. I’m sure it was absolutely hilarious at the time, though. Enjoy!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Editor\u2019s Note: Look, we give up. Let\u2019s just let it go at that.  We don\u2019t take any responsibility for anything contained herein, etc., and in fact we don\u2019t even want to hear about it.  We don\u2019t writes \u2019em, we just prints \u2019em.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We here at The Collegian pride ourselves on being responsive to our readers.  So we thought we\u2019d disregard all the mail we\u2019ve received lately and waste space answering a question that nobody actually asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: What should my major be?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: Well, that\u2019s a good question.  It used to be that the answer would relate to each individual\u2019s response to \u201cWhat do I want to be when I grow up?\u201d  Today, however, the world is a more sophisticated place and such simplistic queries have fallen by the wayside.  Now the proper question to ask is, \u201cWhat can I take that will be least likely to interfere with my being able to watch the Simpsons every Thursday night?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  To help answer that, and to generate cheap laughs, let\u2019s take a quick look at the scope of majors available here at the University of Richmond.  Answer the questions \u201cyes\u201d if it applies to you, \u201cno\u201d if it doesn\u2019t.  Score one point for each \u201cyes\u201d answer.  Then forget how many points you have because they really don\u2019t matter anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JEPSON SCHOOL OF LEADERSHIP STUDIES APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. My friends usually let me decide where we all go for pizza.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SCIENCE APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I don\u2019t like this thing they call \u201cfree time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  2. I want to have my mail delivered right to the Science Library.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  3. I thrive on stress.  In fact, I\u2019m so keyed up now I could eat bricks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MATH\/COMPUTER SCIENCE APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I feel confident about my times tables.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  2. You can meet some really interesting and exciting people on the Star Trek bulletin board on the URvax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  3. I think Matthew Broderick was screwed over by the Oscars for \u201cWarGames.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, liberal arts it is.  Right away, we can exclude language majors, because it is extremely difficult to complete a language major without taking language classes.  And those are a no-no.  So, let\u2019s check out the rest:  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HISTORY APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I enjoy reading books about dead people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ENGLISH APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I\u2019m worried about how the English language is doing.  Maybe I should keep it under observation for a few more years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  2. On a nothing day, curling up with a big book of Chaucer just makes it all seem worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  3. I like \u201cunemployment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  4. I want to teach English in high school somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  5. I want to teach English in college somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  6. I want to go to grad school and avoid the real world indefinitely, so the fact that everybody already speaks English here doesn\u2019t bother me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, the \u201cgrad school\u201d thing sounds okay, because you could stay and see Dave every Wednesday night for an additional two or three years.  But there\u2019s always the chance that he\u2019ll get big and move away, so let\u2019s put that one on the back burner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THEATER APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I feel \u201cspecial.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  2. I look good in all black.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  3. I plan on doing lots of revivals of \u201cThe Fantasticks\u201d at the Lake Woebegone Community Theater\/Craft Fair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ART APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I feel \u201cspecial.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  2. I look good in all-black.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  3. I plan on doing lots of drugs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MUSIC APTITUDE QUESTIONAIRRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I feel \u201cspecial.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  2. I look good in cheap suits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  3. I plan on doing lots of time in jail on drug and morals charges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

PSYCHOLOGY APTITUDE QUESTIONNAIRE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y  N  1. I\u2019m out of it enough that I haven\u2019t heard all the horror stories about Intro to Psych.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Besides, psychology experiments aren\u2019t anything like you\u2019d hope they would be, like smoking dried toad skins and discussing whether rocks can dream.  Next? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

WOMEN\u2019S STUDIES!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, that\u2019s right.  Just consider the benefits.  Women\u2019s Studies implies that at the end of the course, you\u2019ll understand them.  That is certainly something men could use … and quite a few women as well.  For guys, even if you don\u2019t end up understanding them, you\u2019re almost guaranteed there will be lots of girls in your classes all the time.  For women, you already have a leg up on the studying \u2014 hell, if they opened a \u201cJeff Carl Studies\u201d program here, I\u2019d sign up faster than a greased schnauzer.  So, for women, being a Women\u2019s Studies major is like being born with Cliffs Notes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, it seems we are out of time. So until next time, good night and God bless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jeffrey Carl It occurs to me now that topical humor from college campuses nearly 30 years ago does not age well. I’m sure it was absolutely hilarious at the time, though. Enjoy! Editor\u2019s Note: Look, we give up. Let\u2019s just let it go at that.  We don\u2019t take any responsibility for anything contained herein, etc., … Continue reading The \u201cChoosing the Right Major for You\u201d Questionnaire<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":57,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,7],"tags":[70],"class_list":["post-125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-ur-collegian","tag-collegian"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/URC_logo_header.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=125"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":557,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125\/revisions\/557"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/57"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}