{"id":539,"date":"1994-12-03T08:34:39","date_gmt":"1994-12-03T16:34:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/?p=539"},"modified":"2020-07-08T19:01:02","modified_gmt":"2020-07-09T02:01:02","slug":"campus-entertainment-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/1994\/12\/03\/campus-entertainment-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"Campus Entertainment Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Jeffrey Carl<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"Jeffrey
University of Richmond Collegian, December 3 1994<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Thanks to a bare modicum of writing skill and a more obvious fondness for bourbon which aligned with that of my journalism professors, my putative career advanced rapidly through my undergraduate years. I went from a practicum story writer for the University of Richmond Collegian student newspaper in my freshman year to Assistant News Editor in my sophomore year, then on to Greek Life Editor and IT Manager (I read MacWorld magazine!) in my junior year, and ultimately to Opinion Editor in my senior year. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For some reason that escapes me now, I acquired a humor column during this process at the beginning of my junior year. This column, titled “Over the Cliff Notes,” eventually ran for 22 installments and was over the course of two years was read by literally dozens of actual humans, only most of which where KA pledges I forced to do so. Its literary influence was quite literally incalculable, and I’m just going to leave it at that.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It occurs to me now that topical humor from college campuses nearly 30 years ago does not age well. I’m sure it was absolutely hilarious at the time, though. Enjoy!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u0001\u0001We here at The Collegian pride ourselves on being responsive to our readers. So don\u2019t be thinkin\u2019 we aren\u2019t, man, \u2019cause if you did, well \u2026 you\u2019d pretty much just be wrong then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ahem. So in the interest of all those zany youngsters out there looking for some entertainment on campus who can\u2019t find it by hitting the sauce like the rest of us, we publish here an exhaustive and completely irresponsible guide to campus entertainment (excluding of course the aforementioned white man\u2019s fire water) for the rest of the year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Collegian Compendium of Campus Weekend Entertainment (Excluding of course the Demon Rum)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

KARAOKE! KARAOKE!:
<\/strong>The Campus Activities Board provides you with numerous ways to escape the clutches of the sinful bottle for this and every weekend through the year. And, like the old song goes, \u201cMine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of Lazer Karaoke!\u201d Sway to the beat and get down with your bad self while your fellow students humiliate themselves by being too drunk to read the words to the song and then calmly vomiting on everyone in the first two rows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAB is also featuring hip new movies every weekend, including \u201cSpeed,\u201d \u201cIshtar\u201d and the Christmas classic \u201cHot Buttered Elves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

OOH L\u00c1 LA \u2026 FOREIGN MOVIES:
<\/strong>While some critics point out that it is almost impossible to sit through a foreign film without a few drops of \u201cDutch Courage\u201d beforehand, Boatwright Library continues to provide these little cultural experiences ostensibly for those not drinking \u201cThe Devil\u2019s Hair Tonic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Highlights from this year\u2019s offerings include Jean-Paul Sartre\u2019s \u201cHuis Clos,\u201d Jean-Paul Murat\u2019s \u201cLe Grande Fromage\u201d and Jean-Claude van Damme\u2019s \u201cBuckets of Blood Pouring Out of People\u2019s Heads.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOCAL MUSIC SCENE:
<\/strong>Contrary to popular myth, people don\u2019t go downtown to bars to drink sweet, sweet booze. Instead, most are there to see and hear the smells of the booming Richmond music scene. Numerous groovy bands make the rounds downtown and are easy to catch: Fighting Gravity (formerly Boy-O-Boy), Schnitzel (formerly Supertramp), Spanking Monkeys, Sluts at Warp Factor Six and The Jello Turbines. One of the most popular bands, Agents of Good Roots, has recently broken up and reformed as two splinter groups: Travel Agents and Agents of Good Roop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THEATRICS:
<\/strong>Our campus Weird Theatre People Dept. has served up a menu of piping-hot creamy bowlfuls of delicious, nutrient-rich entertainment for this year. This weekend, in fact, brings \u201cA Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum<\/em>,\u201d with music by Stephen Sondheim. It is the story of a wily Roman slave, Pseudolus, who must unite two lovers, fool a Roman Captain, insure domestic tranquility, prove Fermat\u2019s Theorem of isoceles equilibrium, pass a federal balanced-budget amendment, foil the creepy old man in the glowing ghost suit who is trying to scare everybody away from the amusement park so he can buy the land real cheap, convince Mr. Roper that he is gay so he can stay with Janet and Chrissie \u2013 and even remember his lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pseudolus is probably my favorite character in the piece. A role of enormous variety and nuance, and played by an actor of such \u2026 let me put it this way \u2026 whoever that guy is, he\u2019s one zany bastard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second semester provides another theatrical coup de grace (French for \u201ccut the grass\u201d) with \u201cRosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead<\/em>\u201d by Tom \u201cThe Brain\u201d Stoppard, former manager of WWF champion \u201cHacksaw\u201d Jim Duggan, who wrote the Broadway classic \u201cGrease.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Interestingly enough, \u201cRosencrantz\u201d is set to feature \u2013 no foolin\u2019 \u2013 a small gaggle of noted Collegian columnists and writers, past and present. The cast includes Rosencrantz (Branden Waugh), Guildenstern (the other title character), Paul Caputo (Scorpio), Brian C. Jones (B.C. 54? – 6 A.D.), Randy Baker (the part of \u201cRandy\u201d is played by the clarinet) and even Jason Roop (Chaotic\/Neutral Magic User, +20 HP).
Be sure to catch the theater on the small screen in \u201cthe vile gangster Quonset the Hutt\u201d theater located behind the Physical Plant building, in the dumpster.
Q-Hut productions slated for this year include \u201cAll in the Timing<\/em>\u201d by David Ives, \u201cGrease\u2122<\/em>\u201d by \u201cRowdy\u201d Roddy Piper and the first part of the acclaimed \u201cAngels in Bikinis<\/em>\u201d trilogy, \u201cBaywatch Approaches<\/em>.\u201d Tailgates are recommended before student plays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So don\u2019t miss out on the action. And remember \u2013 if you\u2019ve had even half as much fun reading this as I have had writing it, I\u2019ve had twice as much fun as you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jeffrey Carl Thanks to a bare modicum of writing skill and a more obvious fondness for bourbon which aligned with that of my journalism professors, my putative career advanced rapidly through my undergraduate years. I went from a practicum story writer for the University of Richmond Collegian student newspaper in my freshman year to … Continue reading Campus Entertainment Guide<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":57,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,7],"tags":[70],"class_list":["post-539","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-ur-collegian","tag-collegian"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/URC_logo_header.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=539"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":540,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539\/revisions\/540"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/57"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=539"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=539"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=539"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}