{"id":92,"date":"1997-03-20T20:46:55","date_gmt":"1997-03-21T04:46:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/?p=92"},"modified":"2020-04-19T20:47:46","modified_gmt":"2020-04-20T03:47:46","slug":"odd-job-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/1997\/03\/20\/odd-job-part-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Odd Job: Part 4"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Pause. The pressure is now, obviously, on JOB to come up with a winner.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Someone who loves you.ZOPHAR halts, thinks.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: Umm … what\u2019s that like?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: Does this person also give good backrubs?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Yes<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: I\u2019m kinda stumped there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR sits back down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: The point is … I\u2019m not going to believe that there is no God. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: Well… (thinks<\/em>) What if there\u2019s a God, but he\u2019s shorter than you think?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: How long will ye vex my soul, and break me in pieces with words?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: Well, excuse me<\/em>, Shakespeare. Sheesh<\/em>.ELIPHAZ gets up and does whatever he does to signify it\u2019s \u2018his turn.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: The answer to all this is simple. You must have sinned. Otherwise God wouldn\u2019t have punished you so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No, I didn\u2019t! I was a perfect and upright man … who feared God and eschewedeth evil!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: Eschewedeth?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Whatever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Come on, admit it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Admit what<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: Is “eschewedeth” a word?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Look, my child … everyone<\/em> has sinned. (thinks<\/em>) Have you ever cheated on your taxes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Have you ever taken more ketchup packets from McDonald\u2019s than you needed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No. That\u2019s one of my better points.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Did you take the Lord\u2019s name in vain?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No. I wouldn\u2019t even go see the movie Oh, God! Book Two<\/em> because I thought it was sacreligious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Yes, John Denver\u2019s performance was particularly heinous in the eyes of the Lord. (pause<\/em>) Did you ever watch Cinemax after two a.m.?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Have you coveted your neighbor\u2019s wife?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: My neighbor is gay. His (makes finger quotes<\/em>) “wife” is 6\u20194″.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Ever covet him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: NO!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: I\u2019m just saying, you must have done something<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No, but I\u2019m thinking about killing you<\/em> right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: Remember, I pray thee, who ever perished, being innocent? Where were the righteous cut off?<\/strong>Pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: What the Hell are you talking about?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ shrugs and sits down. Now all three comforters are again sitting across from JOB for the relatively rapid-fire exchange that follows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: (taking a different tack<\/em>) Remember what the Bible says. So no one told you life was going to be this way. Your job\u2019s a joke; you\u2019re broke; your love life\u2019s D.O.A….<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: That\u2019s not the Bible. That\u2019s the theme song to \u2018Friends.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: Whatever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: (trying to cheer things up<\/em>) You know, it seems like this story should be adapted into a musical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: I\u2019m just trying to help. I\u2019m not just giving you a guilt trip because you\u2019re Jewish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: It\u2019s Palestine in 2,000 B. C.. We\u2019re all<\/em> Jewish.Pause while this sinks in to all of them.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: Well, then it\u2019s definitely<\/em> not because you\u2019re Jewish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: This is surprising? (pause<\/em>) And what kind of a Jewish name is “Zophar?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: (still slightly incredulous<\/em>) Are you sure<\/em> I\u2019m Jewish?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: (looking askance at BILDAD<\/em>) I take that all back. This would make a rotten<\/em> musical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: I mean, I don\u2019t even look<\/em> Jewish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No doubt ye are the people, and wisdom shall die with ye!<\/strong> But … why are you here? And why have you given me such counsel … and (changes tone<\/em>) Rabbi, why are you the only one of us with a comical Yiddish accent?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: It’s a theatrical convention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: Look, we\u2019re just trying to help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Look … please<\/em> … leave me alone now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: Well, it\u2019s been real. Real … something. (searching for an acceptable excuse to leave<\/em>) Look, I gotta go. You\u2019re sooooo<\/em> depressing. I\u2019m leaving before I shoot myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: (indicating BILDAD<\/em>) I\u2019m leaving before I shoot him<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: I have tickets to a Sammy Davis, Jr. concert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All three COMFORTERS stand around JOB and look at him sadly, one last time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ELIPHAZ: I\u2019m sorry we couldn\u2019t be of more help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ZOPHAR: Yes. We tried our best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The COMFORTERS leave slowly. JOB puts his head down on the table in despair. BILDAD reappears around the edge of the offstage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: Yeah. (beat<\/em>) If you change your mind about suing the Big Guy, here\u2019s my card…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Get out<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILDAD: Okay, but if you get injured in a car crash…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Leave! (pause<\/em>) Please. (beat<\/em>) I need to be alone. The words of Job are ended.<\/strong>BILDAD disappears, and JOB rises, staring above the audience, to ask questions of GOD.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: OH, GOD! WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME? (pause<\/em>) All I demand of you … is the right to ask a question! I just want to know … Why me? Why? What did I do wrong? How did I deserve this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is picking your nose really that bad? Why? Why? WHY?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(long pause<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well … I guess that\u2019s more than one question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having finally exhausted the last of his strength, JOB crumples to the floor and sobs. Moments later, SATAN, wearing horns this time and holding a microphone, appears by whatever means you have the budget for. Cheesy intro\/outro music.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Hi! I\u2019m Satan! This part of the play gets pretty boring. Lots of gnashing of teeth and wearing of sackcloth and blah blah blah<\/em>. You know? In the meantime, as a public service announcement, we\u2019re going to demonstrate what Hell is like \u2014 for those of you who started to think that Hell was a cool place full of girls like me. To start with, we\u2019ll play some easy listening music while the stagehands will begin selling Velveeta and I bring a volunteer up from the audience to play \u2018The $50,000,000 Pyramid\u2019 with an exceptionally stupid demon.Over the PA system, Patrick Swayze\u2019s \u2018She\u2019s Like the Wind\u2019 or Michael Bolton\u2019s perfectly dreadful cover of \u2018When a Man Loves a Woman\u2019starts playing. All of the stage crew appears around the audience, with handbaskets like old-time cigarette girls, full of single wrapped slices of Velveeta\u2122 Processed Cheese Food Product. A female volunteer from the audience is selected by SATAN and invited up on stage. The music turns down a little when SATAN begins to speak again.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Hi. What\u2019s your name?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Volunteer gives their name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: That\u2019s great, (name<\/em>). I hate that name. It makes me want to vomit. (pause<\/em>) Anway, if you win, we promise to let you out of Hell if you ever go there. (looks at Volunteer<\/em>) That seems pretty likely, considering what you\u2019re wearing. Please meet Melchior, third Under-Demon of Beelzebub!MELCHIOR runs out, hunched over, with big, stupid-looking horns on her head, and outrageously large fangs. She should affect the mannerisms of Igor from \u2018Young Frankenstein.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: What?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Okay, (name<\/em>), all you have to do to get a permanent \u2018Get Out of Hell Free\u2019 card is to get this demon to guess the word \u2018fish\u2019 … without saying the word. Ready?By this point, the stagehands are actively (and rather bad-naturedly) throwing Velveeta at the audience. Sometimes, the music turns up really loud when the Volunteer tries to speak, drowning them out, then going down again for MELCHIOR so she can be heard. The Volunteer will obviously try to give some clues. MELCHIOR\u2019s responses should be the same, regardless of what they are.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: Um … things that are minty?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: Things that improve gas mileage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: \u2018Doonesbury?\u2019 Ernest Borgnine? Things that have nipples?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: Are you doing the \u2018Safety Dance?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: Oh! I know! Nitrogen? Wait! Spam?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: Is it \u2018The Pointer Sisters?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A very obnoxious buzzer sounds. SATAN interrupts, ending the game and putting her arm around the VOLUNTEER.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: I\u2019m so sorry … You lose<\/em>! (pause<\/em>) Bet you\u2019re used to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MELCHIOR: Ooh! Ooh! Was it things that you can\u2019t put in the microwave?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: As a consolation prize … we promise not to send you to Hell immediately … although we probably should. Go away now<\/em>. Now, who wants to play me in a game of Yahtzee for their soul? (pause, looking at JOB, who starts to stand up now<\/em>) Oops. Looks like we\u2019ve got to get back to the play now…The easy listening music fades out, the stagehands recede, MELCHIOR lopes back offstage, and SATAN prepares to depart. The sound of wind begins to rise in the background.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Thank you! That\u2019s all our time for tonight! Thank you very much! Remember to smoke lots, listen to \u2018Van Halen\u2019 with Sammy Hagar, and don\u2019t use your turn signals … and I\u2019ll see you soon! Goodnight! You\u2019ve been a very<\/em> special audience.SATAN and her accoutrements disappear from the stage, revealing JOB, who has stood up by now, and is listening to the sound of the strongly blowing wind.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: I cry out of wrong, but I am not heard; I cry aloud but there is no judgement.<\/strong>The wind grows louder.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Out of the south cometh the whirlwind; and cold out of the north.<\/strong>The wind grows increasingly loud, then softer before GOD speaks. JOB hides under the table.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Who is this that darkeneth counsel without knowledge?<\/strong>JOB looks up, frightened. The sound of wind blowing is scary now.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Gird up thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.<\/strong>JOB, first pointing at himself in a \u2018Who, me?\u2019 gesture, then trembling, emerges. GOD appears on the platform above, in full view of the audience for the first time.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where wast thou when all the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hast thou walked the sea in search of its depths? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have the gates of death been opened unto thee? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Canst thou number the clouds in heaven? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doth the hawk fly by thy wisdom? ; Doth the eagle mount up at thy command?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shall he that contendeth with the almighty instruct Him? He that reproveth God, let him answer it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: What shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Gird up thy loins like a man; I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hath thou an arm like God? Or canst thou thunder with a voice like Him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did you<\/em> build the mountains, stone by stone? Did you<\/em> write the UNIX operating system? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: That was you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Oh, yeah. (beat<\/em>) Anyway. Did you<\/em> invent fire? The automatic transmission? The CD player with six-disc changer? Were you<\/em> the last person in the American League to hit .400? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: I thought that was Ted Williams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: (very intimidating now<\/em>) Yeah, look, whatever<\/em>. The point is…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: (sheepishly<\/em>) You\u2019re kind of a celestial bad-ass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Yes! Exactly! (pause<\/em>) Although I wouldn\u2019t use the word “ass.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: But what about me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Long pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: What about<\/em> you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Well, uh, um, I … it\u2019s … um…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: You\u2019re kind of a terrestrial dumb-ass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No, that wasn\u2019t it….<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: No, I mean it. You\u2019ve got the nerve to call me \u2014 and I\u2019m missing \u2018Melrose Place\u2019 right now \u2014 and you get the Creator of the Universe<\/em> one-on-one … and you can\u2019t even think of what to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: But…. look<\/em>. Well … you know … I\u2019ve always been a good guy, you know … and now I\u2019m poor and my children are dead and my wife left me … and I have braces and I think one of my rubber bands just snapped… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: So?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Well … you know … I guess … I just … I … I … I…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: You want me to cure your stutter. I can recommend a good speech therapist…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: No! No! (finally gets it out<\/em>) I have so many questions!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: You get one<\/em>.Long pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: The question is … Why<\/em>?Long pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Because<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Because why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Because because.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: (getting upset now<\/em>) Why times three!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: (very calm<\/em>) Because times five.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Why times a million!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Because times a bajillion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Why times infinity!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Because infinity … plus one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: (screaming<\/em>) WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING \u2018BECAUSE\u2019?!?<\/em>Pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Because you don\u2019t get answers from God! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A long, serious pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At very best, you get some hints … which usually lead to more questions. And humanity has gotten all the hints it\u2019s going to get for quite some time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I … am … everything<\/em>. Everwhere. For all time. For all creation. And I don\u2019t<\/em> owe you<\/em> a report card. I am the world.<\/em> So you either accept this world or you don\u2019t.Pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: So which is it going to be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: (sinking to his knees<\/em>) I know that thou canst do everything … and that no thought can be with-holden from thee … I have uttered that I understood not … things too great for me, which I knew not. … I have hear of thee by the hearing of the ear; but now mine eye seeth thee….<\/strong>Anguished pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Wherefore I abhor myself … and repent in dust and ashes.<\/strong>Long pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: (clearly uncomfortable with JOB\u2019s misery<\/em>) Whatever. (pause<\/em>) Look … oh, get up<\/em> … look … I gotta go. Stay out of trouble.GOD\u2019s light begins to fade, and GOD steps out of sight. Then, just before the light dims….<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: And one more thing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: (suddenly hopeful for an answer to his question<\/em>) Yes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Drink more milk!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD\u2019s light fades completely, leaving JOB alone. He crumples into a heap onstage. Then a voice is heard; out of the light but unmistakably GOD\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Aww … Goddamnit. (pause, angry now at SATAN and Himself for having let this go on so long<\/em>) That\u2019s enough of this! That\u2019s it! It\u2019s over<\/em>.Sound of a thunderclap. A light dawns offstage and illuminates from behind WIFE, who walks back onstage, then tenderly puts her hand on JOB\u2019s shoulder.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE: Job?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Who? … Go away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE: Job, it\u2019s me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Forget it. I don\u2019t want to sue anybody. And I don\u2019t want to switch to “MCI Friends & Family.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE: Job, it\u2019s me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB turns to see her for the first time, and realizes it\u2019s her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Oh. (goes toward her, then stops<\/em>) Why … why are you back?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE: Because…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Not this again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE: Because … because I have hope. I may not have faith, but I have hope. (pause<\/em>) And I love you.Long pause.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: (just realizing<\/em>) I … I can see you. And I can hear you. … I\u2019m … cured.JOB is overjoyed, and he moves toward WIFE and holds her close for a minute.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOB: Will you stay with me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE: I\u2019ll never leave you again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They kiss. Then, after a tender moment…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE: When did you get braces?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lights come up on the platforms of GOD and SATAN; then the lights on the stage go down, with JOB and WIFE holding each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: So … that\u2019s it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: You were right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: (very smug<\/em>) I always am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Except that time you bet me on the Super Bowl…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Look, one: that doesn\u2019t count, and two: I think you possessed the referee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Okay, okay … so how does Job make out on all this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Oh, the usual … his wife is back, and that\u2019s the important thing. He\u2019ll get his money back … I\u2019ll make it a lottery ticket or something. He\u2019ll get a new business, a new house … and this<\/em> one will have hardwood floors and an attractive brick exterior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: (genuinely impressed<\/em>) Ooh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: He\u2019ll get new kids, and they won\u2019t be such slackers so they\u2019ll get college scholarships and he can finally afford a Jet Ski. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: What about the braces?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Oops. (pause<\/em>) Well, in six months, he\u2019ll have a better smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: And the wicked?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Oh, the three comforters won\u2019t get it too bad … they were trying to help, after all … (pause, thinks<\/em>) Oh, well, you can have the lawyer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: So everything ends the way it should.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Yes … (pause<\/em>) you know, with all this stuff about second chances and whatnot… (long pause<\/em>) do you remember our great falling out?Long pause again, painful almost.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: And do you … do you still feel the same way?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shorter pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Yeah … I\u2019m still a die-hard Macintosh user. That Windows 95 stuff you use is garbage. And, y\u2019know, I have a much bigger office now than you<\/em> ever gave me. (pause, then slightly sadly<\/em>) I think it\u2019s all for the best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Yes … yes, I think so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: You want to go out for a beer?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Hmm … perhaps. I think so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Come on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD and SATAN walk towards each other on the overhead platform, and meet up by an exit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: We\u2019ve got a lot of old times to talk about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD: Yes … I can order a non-alcoholic one where we\u2019re going, can\u2019t I?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATAN: Sure. I\u2019m still getting malt liquor. I know a place in ancient Mesopotamia…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD and SATAN walk out, side by side, still chatting, although the words cannot be heard. As they exit, the lights dim out. END.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recommended curtain call music: “Sympathy for the Devil,” by the Rolling Stones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Return to the index page<\/a><\/em><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pause. The pressure is now, obviously, on JOB to come up with a winner. JOB: Someone who loves you.ZOPHAR halts, thinks. BILDAD: Umm … what\u2019s that like? ZOPHAR: Does this person also give good backrubs? JOB: Yes. ZOPHAR: I\u2019m kinda stumped there. ZOPHAR sits back down. JOB: The point is … I\u2019m not going to believe … Continue reading Odd Job: Part 4<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":53,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-92","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-odd-job"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/oddjob.gif","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/92","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=92"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/92\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":93,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/92\/revisions\/93"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=92"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=92"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jeffcarl.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=92"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}